Escape

21 Oct, 2020

Music Information:

• Music and Life
• D Major/B Minor
• 36 Measures
• Cello and Piano
• 3:08 min
• 3 Pages

"Forget about what you are escaping from. Reserve your anxiety for what you are escaping to."- Michael Chabon (The Amazing Adventures of Kavalier & Clay)

LOOK AROUND YOU

Why is it that we are always searching for a way out?_ not in the dramatic sense of wanting to escape life itself, but in the subtle, everyday ways we resist the present. We crave a fantasy, a world untouched by flaws, where everything aligns in effortless perfection. But such a place does not exist.

The truth is that the world is anything but exquisite; it is fragile, uncertain, and at times dangerous. And perhaps, it is this very imperfection, this raw and unpredictable nature of reality, that makes it both unbearable and inescapably real.

I cannot speak for everyone, but, there are a lot of things that cause anxiety inside me. Sometimes it's something as simple as a being late that creates an uncomfortable rush of panic. Other times, I feel as though the world we live in is designed to create endless distractions, each one amplifying the turmoil already within us. In those anxious moments, it becomes difficult not to see life as a brutal carnage. And yes_ in those moments I want to escape.

ESCAPE FROM REALITY

I've written a piece of music that takes me back to the past_ to the people, the moments, and the situations that will never exist again. The memories of my past feel like a safe zone, while the future remains uncertain. This piece, without a doubt, represents an escape from reality. I perceive it as a route away from pain, from loss and sorrow, from anger, and from all the unfamiliar emotions I hadn't realized existed until grief uncovered them.

We foolishly reason that devastating events are meant to happen to others, and so we remain unprepared for the trials that fall upon us. When life delivers its blow, everything happens so fast. The mixture of uncontrollable feelings that grief brings is, needless to say, overwhelming_ at times it made me feel like an emotional human waste.

THE NEXT BLOW

Nostalgia is that subtle ache in the heart _ a longing for the past, a yearning for a place or a person that no longer exists. How I wish time could have stopped, frozen in a single moment. Yes, some of us turn to nostalgia for comfort. This piece, opens the door to vulnerability, offering a glimpse of what it feels like to exist in the present while reflecting on the past, and hoping for a better future. It reminds me that is fully human to be vulnerable, but it also warns me to be ready for the next blow.

I no longer have the energy to be ready for the next blow. I want someone else to take charge, to help me escape reality. Mylene Farmer wrote a song in which she shares how disappointing the world can be. Her words speak directly to the heart, and their meaning becomes even clearer to anyone who has been confused by the ramifications of life and the work it takes to cope with the unexpected.

These are the lyrics:

Nager dans les eaux troubles
Des lendemains
Attendre ici la fin
Flotter dans l'air trop lourd
Du presque rien
A qui tendre la main
Si je dois tomber de haut
Que ma chute soit lente
Je n'ai trouvé de repos
Que dans l'indifférence
Pourtant, je voudrais retrouver l'innocence
Mais rien n'a de sens, et rien ne va

Tout est chaos
A côté
Tous mes idéaux des mots
Abimé
Je cherche une âme, qui
Pourra m'aider
Je suis
D'une génération désenchantée
Désenchantée

Qui pourrait m'empêcher
De tout entendre
Quand la raison s'effondre
A quel saint se vouer
Qui peut prétendre
Nous bercer dans son ventre

Si la mort est un mystère
La vie n'a rien de tendre
Si le ciel a un enfer
Le ciel peut bien m'attendre
Dis moi,
Dans ces vents contraires comment s'y prendre
Plus rien n'a de sens, plus rien ne va

ACCEPTING DEFEAT

I have surrendered to the inevitable. I would like to think of it as an act of courage_ and perhaps even a wise thing to do_ when I realize there is no solution to the unpleasantness of life. I've always turned to music to carry on. The melody in "Escape" offers, if only temporarily, the mechanism I need to handle life and to accept defeat with a measure of grace.

Indeed, there's danger and there are countless disappointments along the way from which one longs to escape. We run from them to stay lucid, to hold on until the very end. Life can change in the blink of an eye, leaving us disoriented as we struggle to understand what has just happened. Over the curse of life, we are exposed to a vicious drift so unpredictable that it makes my whole body shiver.

In Memory of a Great Man
November 18th 1945
December 10th, 2019
Timothy J. Sigurdson