Farewell
MUSIC Information:
- Before The Sun Goes Down
- F major/D Minor
- 36 Measures
- Cello and Piano
- 4:03 min
- 3 Pages
“I wept like a child. It was not because I was overcome at having survived my ordeal, though I was. Nor was it the presence of my brothers and sisters, though that too was very moving. I was weeping because Richard Parker had left me so unceremoniously.” _Yann Martel _ Life of Pi
ROTTEN DEATH
I hate farewells. They drain me completely; an exhausting array of emotional work. There's something so unnatural about them_ like a quiet monster that feeds from the inside out. Goodbyes masquerade as moments of grace, but they're nothing more than quiet executions.
The pain of parting from someone is no doubt, similar to a lurking predator that remains hidden, ready to ambush a vulnerable prey when opportunity strikes. Goodbyes are cruel formalities_ a ritual to make loss look civilized. They resemble a small rotten death.
EVERY FAREWELL
With each goodbye, there's nothing I can do about the awful lump that forms in my throat. The gloom that follows hangs in the air so thick, I can almost see it. Despite what some people might say, there is absolutely nothing to learn from the experience_ no hidden wisdom in the ache, only pain and quiet despair.
In my life, obviously, I've said goodbye to people for many reasons, in more ways than I can count. I’ve also had to let go of moments, places, and even parts of myself. Every farewell brings change, and I have no power to stop it, forcing something new to take the place of what’s gone. Sometimes, it isn’t entirely dreadful — sometimes it even feels necessary. But even then, the adjustment hurts. It always does.
EMOTIONAL WORK
All this years teaching piano, I've never gotten used to the idea of departing from my students. It is part of teaching_ students come and go all the time, for all kinds of reasons. I always knew that, yet the ache lingers, never dulls. Every farewell cuts deep, and yes, I abhorred the idea.
Teaching piano was emotional work. I spent countless hours preparing lessons and guiding each student, the amount of time and energy I invested was staggering. Over time, attachment became imminent. I got to know their dreams, their struggles. I learned about the challenges they faced_ at home, at school, or within themselves. I wasn't just their music teacher; I was also a friend, adviser, analyst, sometimes even a baker, brother, or therapist. I became a steady presence in their lives.
INSTANT VS ETERNITY
The moments when someone dies are emotional. Farewells are always difficult, but some are especially so_ not only because everything in those moments is futile, but also because of the unfairness of it all. Life, indeed, is an endless succession of greetings and goodbyes, though the intensity of each is never evenly measure.
Did I do enough for the person departing?, Did I say to much_ or too little? These questions always haunt me when is time to say goodbye. Strange, isn't it, it only takes an instant to say hello and an eternity to say goodbye. And still, some departures cannot be undone.
A REPROACH
This week I had to say goodbye to my beloved lovebird: Mango. With Tim gone, Mango was all I had left of him. I cried almost as bitterly as I did when Tim passed a year before. Both of them had left me_ so abruptly, so unceremoniously and so unexpectedly.
It may sound like a reproach_ and maybe deep down it is. All I know is that my wound has been ripped open once more, leaving bleeding. Suddenly, I am drowning in my sorrowful tears all over again. Coping with a single loss is never easy, but processing two? Perhaps, in some cruel way, one gains experience.
Three years have passed since Tim died, and at last, I can give voice through a poem to the grief that has consumed my life.
Farewell my friend
I was not prepared
Would I be seeing you again?
good-bye my sweet companion
I was in despair
Would you be seeing me again?
All I needed was a sign
but I was ignored
All I wanted was a brand-new heart
but I felt scorned
I should've known
It is all so unfair, so unfair
I should've guessed
It is all in vain, so unfair
There is nothing left behind
and I was not prepared
Would I be seeing you again?
Goodbye my friend
Pain and sorrow everywhere
Would you be seeing me again?
All I asked was comfort
What I got was a blank stared
I needed all this pain to go away
all I got was an empty glare
I should've known
It is all so unfair, so unfair
I should've guessed
It is all so unfair, farewell
THE PROMISE
I had written this cello-piano piece, to reflect the agony and the misery I had experienced with each goodbye, proving at least to myself, the unfairness of life, of which, very well could be, a big box of unexplained detestable affairs. There's no comfort, there is no relief. Good-byes are full of sorrow, they vow to absolutely N O T H I N G.
Farewell