To Live and Tell
MUSIC Information:
- Before The Sun Goes Down
- F Major / D minor
- 36 Measures
- Cello and Piano
- 3:10 min
- 3 Pages
There is nothing in the world so much admired as a man who knows how to bear unhappiness with courage. _ Lucius Annaeus Seneca
JOVIAL DEMEANOR
How is it that life manages to inflict pain with such jovial demeanor - always precisely, always at the most inconvenient time? No matter where I turn my attention, there is always things to fix, something to mend, articles to repair, things to restored, details to revise, items to glued, an object to patch, areas to clean, situations to correct, positions to adjust, attitudes to tolerate, status to modify, time to coordinate, circumstances to arrange, conflicts to resolved and ideas to confirm, plans to align, thoughts to sort.
It almost feels as if the sole purpose of life is to watch me scramble and be amused by keeping me occupied every minute of the day. Every task keeps me perpetually on guard - on guard against life, that is. It's exhausting. If you or anybody wants to lecture me about gratitude or tell me that I should not complain and focus my attention on the good things instead... well, fuck off!
LIFE'S STAGES
Excuse me for having a bad day - but when everything decides to fall apart at once, you'd better believe I'm allowed to host a private pity party - with me as the guest of honor. Anyone attending would received a booklet, printed in bold, laying out the three stages of life like some unsolicited gospel with complete chapters and verses - exactly like that famous book of which nobody asked for but arrogantly everybody pretend to understand.
Birth
What the fuck is all this?
Death
With a pessimistic view of life, I know I am denying myself the opportunity to hope for positive outcomes - from anything or anyone. But I also know that, deep inside, I'll smile later, bursting with happiness, because that's fucking life. One day is bad, the next is good, after that goes back into bad again. To survive, I have to play the game - a game I cannot win, but a game all the same.
LIONS AND ZEBRAS
I know my life would have been better, or easier, or at least different, (oh, how pitiful I sound, even to myself) if only I had been born with some kind of instructions _ some essential guidance on how to navigate in life, a manual to consult when unexpected situations arise. A compass to turn to every time I lose my way in the world. And yet, here I am, without answers, trying to stay afloat as I maneuver my way, day by day, through the mysterious, vast ocean before me called life.
The strange thing about life is how contradictions insist on showing up everywhere. Total chaos can sit comfortably besides beauty and meaning, all wrapped in the same already-confusing mess. Take a hungry lion attacking a vulnerable zebra on the African Savannah: part of me smiles at the raw beauty of nature, and another part frowns at the brutality of it. I do not know if I supposed to cheer for the lion's survival or mourn the zebra's doom. Life apparently enjoys being unclear on the emotional instructions.
OUT OF CONTROL
Frequently - and yes, shamefully - I fail to appreciate my life. Identifying omissions and shortcomings has at least been useful; it's the first step in reshaping my thoughts, knowing, not without relief, that things don't have to keep spinning out of control. Only then do I catch a clearer view of my existence that miraculously transform itself into something delightful - despite all my constant complains.
But life being life and I being hopelessly human, we often crash into each other - and when we do, it is followed by a loud slam and usually something behind fells. At times, we don't see eye to eye. Yet again, life being life and I being human - we somehow drift into a kind of peace, admittedly enjoying, for the most part, each other's company. Naturally, I love when life makes me lemonade. And really, when things go sideways, who am I supposed to blame?
PROVING TO MYSELF
All these dreadful feelings were entirely based on what I, foolishly BELIEVE were life's schemes - a kind of personal treachery prepared and served on a silver plate, as if I were the only target. That sense of entitlement crept it, along with an unhelpful, frivolous attitude that made everything feel worse than it actually was.
I wrote this peaceful piece of music in the middle of a week overflowing with chaos. I needed to prove to myself that if I actually made the effort and focused on something reasonable, I could still create an enjoyable melody - a simple, pleasant piece completely detached from whatever storm I was standing in the moment. And so, here goes nothing - and here goes everything. This piece is not dedicated to anyone or inspired by anything; it simply came alive in a middle of a storm.
UNTIL IT'S NOT
Even though the storm has come and gone and my problems haven't been completely solved, my attitude has changed. I realized the way I was perceiving the world was wrong. I genuinely thought, I was drowning inside a glass that was only half-full of water, all while forgetting that I'm an excellent swimmer. It was surprisingly similar to having a panic attack: the fear feels real, even when your body is far from dying.
After giving myself some time to think things over, I started seeing the world with different eyes. Somehow—almost embarrassingly—the dark, dangerous clouds I swore were hovering over me had simply cleared. I stopped acting like the universe was plotting against me. And for now, I dance... that is, until the music quietly crumbles.